“The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom” – Tara Brach
Understanding and enforcing your boundaries will help you to attract the right kinds of people into your life. But to set the right boundaries, you need to know how you feel, so you know what you want and where the line should be drawn. If you don’t know this information, it’ll be hard because what will you base your boundaries on? Probably things you’ve heard other people say. But why? We are our own unique beings with our own wants and desires, so your boundaries have to reflect those wants and desires. If you don’t know what you want then it would be very easy for people to manipulate you and make you feel guilty for having your boundaries in place, because they either don’t want to respect it or they simply can’t raise their level to meet you at the standard you’ve put in place for yourself.
So with that being said, here are 2 questions to ask yourself:
- If you were to eliminate your culture, societal rules and laws, shame or common workplace etiquette, how would you want to be treated? I know this seems extreme but sometimes it’s the simple factors like fear, shame or low self worth that can stop us from implementing the boundaries that would truly allow us to attract what we desire and to feel freedom in who we are. What does respect mean to you? It may be hard to think about this at first if you don’t know what respect looks like, but if you truly focus in silence (and even meditate), the answers will come to you. You won’t have to force an answer or try to think of it just so you have something to say. Instead you’ll feel your true desires from deep within, including how you want and deserve to be treated by others, regardless of their relationship and proximity to you. When you get this feeling, remember it because that it what it feels like when your spirit/soul is guiding you.
- How can you work on effectively communicating your boundaries in a way that won’t come across as offensive and rude. Don’t just think about the words you’re using, but think about your body language and tone of voice. Being self-aware in the way you communicate to others, and how this could possibly affect them allows you to present your boundaries from the best place. When you first implement your boundaries, there’s going to be some people who push back or immediately get defensive. That’s normal because their ego is hurting and they’re most likely use to over stepping your boundaries and getting what they want at the expense of your unhappiness. By being comfortable with your communicative approach, you’re less likely to feel shame or uneasy from any push back you may receive because you’re confident in the way you delivered the message… meaning any hostility you face is simply a “them” problem and not a “you” problem. Even better, if they walk away then the universe has done its job and you’ve gotten to see who really respects you and who doesn’t.
Sometimes I wish I could give you all the answers, but as I said before we are all unique beings with our own unique desires. Therefore nobody can present your boundaries but you. Whatever they may be, enforce them ladies! I don’t care who doesn’t like it, put them in place because ultimately they are there to protect your emotional, spiritual and personal space… and there’s nothing more important than that.
What are your boundaries? Did you receive any push back? How have they improved your life?